Hi people, My story about my Ex-girlfriend who I’ve just broke up with her...we were together for almost 3 months (short tho) and I really loved her so I tried hard to make her happy and comfortable but unfortunately she couldn’t understand me or my treatment was strange to her.......she used to tell me that I’m too kind !!!!!
what was I suppose to do? so many girls wish to have this kind of the treatment or more than that, right?
why some japanese understand KIND as a WEAK??? when I love, I become more kind and patient as well.....I don’t think that it’s a bad point of me, don’t you think so?

Yes,men supposed to be strong but not to their lovers...I’ve learned about LOVE in a deferent meaning...some guys and girls don’t agree tho.

I love to treat my girl softly and politely but I want she to do that with me...I loved her,cooked,washed and so on but she forgot everything in an angry moment.

I’m very disappointed and feel sorry to myself that I had the worst person I’ve ever met in my whole life.

Many readers will be curious about the reason which ended our relation...........she’s a cheater.

i’ll be happy to hear your opinion

One thing I can say is that Japanese tend to do not tell things that might hurt one straightforward. For instance ”too kind” may be a word that is often used as a word ”deny”.
　

I agree to Res1!
　

I’ve got great sympathy for you.
Shrug it off, and go forward. 　

It’s bum rap! 　

If the girl is really ”the worst person you’ve ever met in your whole life”, losing her should be a good thing. 　

hi. i agree with res5. i’m not sure if your being kind has anything to do with losing your girl friend. from my experience, a cheater is always a cheater no matther what kind of person he/she is dating. it’s natural that you are disappointed, but it’s not worth tossing & turning over such a girl. let bygones be bygones!
　

I agree with Res.1 as well. I usually use words like ”You are too good to me.” or ”You are too kind.” when I break up with my boyfriend. I know it is not a really nice thing to do but I just don’t want hurt him puls don’t want someone to hate me or think bad of me... yeah, I am a cheater in that way...SORRY! 　

it just can be said the point is affinity,i guess....
she might have anxiety to do well,but she couldn’t....it’s not your fault and not her’s...find another girl and may your life be happy 　

I am married to a japanese girl and we are doing quite well.

Japanese girls do NOT like weak men, and many younger men in Japan are thus. Being weak and being considerate and overly-kind often is considered the same thing to a Japanese woman.

This may sound strange, but here is what works for me. I am nice to my wife but not overly nice. I do things for her but I also mix in selfishness. If you are always nice and kind there is no flame and perhaps the girl becomes bored. I sometimes act like a ”dick” and then sit back and watch as she comes to me looking to seek my attention once again. [it’s funny, she will likely read this post as she was beside me when i was reading the original thread hehe]. She knows I do this but doesnt say anything.

Another side to your situation could be that this girl wanted to be dominated - ie sexually. I found many of my old GF’s liked this. You mentioned she cheated? Perhaps she just wanted to be treated in more of a old traditional japanese fashion?

Who knows for sure, but if you have time let me know how it goes. I am always interested in this kind of thing.


northlandalliance@hotmail.com 　

I’m sorry to hear your situation. I guess the best thing to do now is to look forward. Since she’s already changed her mind, there is no point of trying to ”win” it back. Even if you did succeed in ”winning” it back, you guys would still have a crack in your relationship. Look forward and be happy!

And in response to message no. 3325, is it true that Japanese girls tend to view kindness as ”weakness?” In my opinion, a guy can be both strong and kind. They are not exclusive. You can be a very decisive man and a gentleman at the same time.

　

Hi, it’s me again.

Please ignore the part where it says ”And in response to message no. 3325” in my previous message.
Thanks. 　

to res.9. well, first of all, i think you are brave! to post your ”secret” knowing that your wife would be reading it. i wonder what she might think of you. let’s hope she has a sence of humor (hehe). to me, it seems like you are playing a game, and frankly, it doesn’t seem like a mature relationship if you have to play a trick to keep the flame. i have nothing against you or no intention of attacking your relationship with your wife, but when i was reading your post, i felt like you were talking about how to treat ”a girl” as a puppy, not ”a woman” as an adult, and i couldn’t help saying something about it. 　

Res 10: yep... decisiveness is very important. I have a friend in osaka who is not decisive... drives me crazy! It’s a balance play, keeping her happy, but keeping her INTERESTED at the same time.

Res 12: It’s not brave I dont think... our relationship works differently than others because of her quirky desires. Why fix it if it aint broke? In some relationships if it becomes too drab, or too mundane [the monotony of boring marriage life if you will] the couple has to find ways to spice things up. She likes it this way, and so do I. Consider how many different personalities there are out there. Some girls are even more extreme where they will stay with and do anything for a guy who always treats them like shit. Like that j-girl in calgary who left her 2 babies in her appartment for 12 days so she could go fuck around and party with her new boyfriend.

Good thing my wife isnt like that... thats fucked up.

So yeah,carpe diem. If you dont, it’s gone forever.

And to the original poster: do you have her email address? I can talk to her about my situation, maybe it will help?