バンクーバーサンの記事です。日本人はこの傾向があるからJerkと結婚する可能性が高いですね。
How not to marry a jerk
Therapist suggests no touching in those early dating days
BY JOANNE LAUCIUS, POSTMEDIA NEWS SEPTEMBER 17, 2012
Ottawa marriage and relationship therapist Martin Rovers has delivered a few bits of advice in his Relationships Matter lecture series that women have found a little hard to accept.
Take his advice on touching.
"Don't touch too soon. Wait at least three months," he advised last year in one of his lectures.
In fact, touch is the fifth step in a fivestep progression, says Rovers, a psychologist. The progression starts with talk and moves on to trust, reliability and commitment.
A woman in the front row was aghast at Rovers' three-month limit and told him so.
"What? If I waited three months, I would never get a second date," she said.
"Do you get many third dates?" responded Rovers, who argues that it's always easier to touch than to talk, but not very productive for budding relationships.
(By the way, a widely discussed study in the August edition of The Journal of Family and Marriage of couples who are married or live together concluded that women who dated for at least 182 days before jumping into bed reported higher levels of satisfaction, commitment, sexual satisfaction and other good stuff from the relationship. That's six months.)
Rovers' wife, Elizabeth Hauptman Rovers, says the aim of the lecture series is to introduce people to help for relationship problems, especially those who find therapy too expensive.
At the end of the lectures, there is usually a lively question and answer session and the therapist suggests a list of books available at the library.
One of the most popular topics was "how to avoid marrying a jerk."
Rovers, who is contemplating a lecture on "what to do when you're married to a jerk," says the term can be both feminine as well as a masculine. But three-quarters of jerks just happen to be men. They're not necessarily mean, just wounded.
"A lot of the people who come are singles. About 80 or 90 per cent are women," he says.
"There are people who are afraid of therapy."
Men, in particular. The lectures are one way for men to hear about the topics in a less-intimidating venue where they don't to have to commit to therapy.
"There are some men who will say 'Do you think I'm crazy?' A lot of women say they want counselling, but their husbands won't go," says Rovers.
He can understand why men are a little leery.
"There are way too many fingers pointing at men. They think the therapist will point another finger at them." Rovers is kicking off another series this month with a talk on "appreciating your partner's way of loving."
The language of love is different for men and for women. Expecting most men to devise a plan to go to the park for a romantic candlelight picnic is a bridge too far for men, he says.
"Men consider acts of service to (be) the language of love. For women, it's intimacy and quality time. Men want to be appreciated," he says.
"If you want intimacy, don't marry a man."
Read more:
http://www.vancouversun.com/marry+jerk/7252368/story.html#ixzz26mzTGjtm 
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